What you see....

Rich n----gas making poor decisions....the television blasted in the small self standing apartment. The place itself wasn't bad, decor paltry at best, but otherwise not an undesirable place.  But it took me back about 10 years when this kind of thing didn't matter.  Back to when we only needed 4 plaster walls, a 65 inch visual odyssey to flash visions of any character's journey, and a scarlet bulb coloring the space for it to be a home.  All that mattered was the freedom of having your own space. Are those white tiger art prints on the walls? Geez, I had plenty of them at one point and time, but not anymore.  Ambiance was truly lacking and my spirit honestly demanded repeatedly, "Why are we here again? Don't we know where this kind of rabbit hole leads?"

And I did, honestly and truly know where it was going.  A non-committed, extra clingy, let's kick it because even though I like you I'm and ready for something serious, you could be the one type of situation.  Not to mention, there were hookahs, knives and an undecorated Douglas FirbChristmas tree sitting in the corner.  He had done something right, bought a brand new French blue and Chocolate bed in a bag set so that I could christen the sheets, although I'm sure last night he thought that after two weeks of knowing each other, we'd be using it.  

The whole everything - mindset on down - screamed, "Make me over!" 

But that was the issue, wasn't it? Was I really at a point where I wanted to have to train someone all over again?  Friends or not, I just didn't have the energy to go there.   And it begged the question, when did I become so "rich" in my thinking? That when I arrived, I shouldn't be asked "You didn't stop by to get the Redbox?" nor sent back out to get it.  That my response in my mind wouldn't be, "If I leave right now, I'm not coming back."  That when I walked into a guy's house, even a Bachelor, it should be put together and clean, not look half done. That the time spent talking shouldn't revolve around hinting at money problems.  That every "sneaky smooth" question and touch wasn't to lead to a make out session.  That you won't try to use lines like, "How am I going to sleep without you?" (need I remind you the acquaintance clock still read 10 days?). That if you text me after I'm gone, the first thing shouldn't be about you satisfying your own hunger. 

Yet, I knew when I met the guy how this would go. He was nice enough, on his way to tutor children as when he intersected me, struggling to carry boxes up the stairs. He seemed okay, but there was something, couldn't put my finger on it. Our first time rolling out, I had to drive to someplace that was closer to him (second time as well), with no real thought that 30 minutes each way for a lady was a little too far to drive in the dark without the offer of gas money.  And his demeanor seemed a little down almost whenever we talked.  Every phone conversation so far has been about "turning up", which is cool in some situations, but serious, what else do we do?  Despite all the signs, I am sitting here in the house thinking, did I just make a "poor" decision in more ways than one?

All signs seem to be pointing to that, and after all, what you see is in fact what you get.