What you see....

Rich n----gas making poor decisions....the television blasted in the small self standing apartment. The place itself wasn't bad, decor paltry at best, but otherwise not an undesirable place.  But it took me back about 10 years when this kind of thing didn't matter.  Back to when we only needed 4 plaster walls, a 65 inch visual odyssey to flash visions of any character's journey, and a scarlet bulb coloring the space for it to be a home.  All that mattered was the freedom of having your own space. Are those white tiger art prints on the walls? Geez, I had plenty of them at one point and time, but not anymore.  Ambiance was truly lacking and my spirit honestly demanded repeatedly, "Why are we here again? Don't we know where this kind of rabbit hole leads?"

And I did, honestly and truly know where it was going.  A non-committed, extra clingy, let's kick it because even though I like you I'm and ready for something serious, you could be the one type of situation.  Not to mention, there were hookahs, knives and an undecorated Douglas FirbChristmas tree sitting in the corner.  He had done something right, bought a brand new French blue and Chocolate bed in a bag set so that I could christen the sheets, although I'm sure last night he thought that after two weeks of knowing each other, we'd be using it.  

The whole everything - mindset on down - screamed, "Make me over!" 

But that was the issue, wasn't it? Was I really at a point where I wanted to have to train someone all over again?  Friends or not, I just didn't have the energy to go there.   And it begged the question, when did I become so "rich" in my thinking? That when I arrived, I shouldn't be asked "You didn't stop by to get the Redbox?" nor sent back out to get it.  That my response in my mind wouldn't be, "If I leave right now, I'm not coming back."  That when I walked into a guy's house, even a Bachelor, it should be put together and clean, not look half done. That the time spent talking shouldn't revolve around hinting at money problems.  That every "sneaky smooth" question and touch wasn't to lead to a make out session.  That you won't try to use lines like, "How am I going to sleep without you?" (need I remind you the acquaintance clock still read 10 days?). That if you text me after I'm gone, the first thing shouldn't be about you satisfying your own hunger. 

Yet, I knew when I met the guy how this would go. He was nice enough, on his way to tutor children as when he intersected me, struggling to carry boxes up the stairs. He seemed okay, but there was something, couldn't put my finger on it. Our first time rolling out, I had to drive to someplace that was closer to him (second time as well), with no real thought that 30 minutes each way for a lady was a little too far to drive in the dark without the offer of gas money.  And his demeanor seemed a little down almost whenever we talked.  Every phone conversation so far has been about "turning up", which is cool in some situations, but serious, what else do we do?  Despite all the signs, I am sitting here in the house thinking, did I just make a "poor" decision in more ways than one?

All signs seem to be pointing to that, and after all, what you see is in fact what you get. 

What We're Really Singing: Meanings of Christmas Songs

By far there is nothing more exciting than hearing your favorite Christmas song on the radio for the first time that season.   "Let it Snow" by Boyz II Men is my favorite, with The Temptations "Silent Night", the Vienna Boy Choir's "Carol of the Bells", and Luther Vandross "Every Year, Every Christmas" falling not to far behind it. Recently, I heard "This Christmas", which I like quite a bit as well, on a Gospel station.  What's funny is that although the song seems safe enough, there's nothing churchy or family oriented about it.  This got me to wondering, what other songs do we misinterpret this time of year?

1) "This Christmas"

The Donny Hathway song most recently covered by Chris Brown seems to be a favorite for children to sing at the Family Holiday party and in church Christmas celebrations. This song, however, is actually the Home Run anthem for a couple who are ready to take their relationship to the next level.  Think about out, "Hang all the mistletoe, I am going to get to know you better."  Mistletoe = automatic smooch pass.  It does get a little misleading around "Presents and cards are here," but keep listening, "My world is filled with cheer and you..."  After all those presents, I bet there will some caroling going on through the night.  "Very special Christmas"?  Indeed.

2) "The Twelve Days of Christmas"

This song actually does the opposite by masking in metaphor the birth of Christ.  Christianity, believe it or not, was not exactly the most popular religion and celebrating it could result in death.  Hence the reason for metaphors.  At first sound, it just seems like a lavish party is taking place, and in some ways, it is!  Quite a few people did show up at the manger that night after so many years ago, according to the scripture.  The 12 Days take place after Advent and Christmas, in the actual "Christmastide" season and lasts until January 5, the Eve of Epiphany, the observance of the wise men's arrival.  The symbolism? Every thing from the Christ child (Partridge in a Pear Tree = Jesus Christ, Son of God) to the beatitudes (Maids A-milking = the eight beatitudes).  See more here.

3) "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"

Caroling is a great tradition.  You learn the favorite seasonal songs, load up on coffee and hot chocolate, walk to neighbors' houses all in the name of jolly good fun.  Well, traditionally it was actually a ploy to get a much loved dessert, figgy pudding, and wassail (a spice apple cider with bourbon).  Check out the rest of the lyrics: "Now bring us some figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer" and "We won't go until we get some".  The idea was actually to keep singing until the figgy pudding and wassail arrived.  Instead of providing all the food for the party, it may be better to have the Christmas playlist going.

4) "Let It Snow"

What seems like a wish for a thick blanket of the white stuff - leading to school snow days and work closed days - is actually another hopeful seeking an opportunity to stay a little longer.   Not the coercive "Baby It's Cold Outside", but a little smoother progression.  First it's the announcement of leaving, followed by the regret of leaving, "How I'll hate going out in the storm!/But if you'll really hold me tight/All the way home I'll be warm."  By the time we get to the end, however, there is "The fire is slowly dying/And my dear is still goodbyeing/But as long as you love me so/Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!"  Guess there is some advantage to having inclement weather after all. 

5) Let It Snow by Boys II Men featuring Brian McKnight.

Biting off the original, Boyz II Men and Brian McKnight take it one step further.  "It's a joyous day, let the angels sing cuz we're together" shows the real reason for the season, so to speak, but it's around the second verse that there is no longer a doubt about the invitation.  Brian McKnight's singing "Come over here, and help me trim the tree/I wanna wrap you up/ Baby then you'll see you're the only present I need" makes you wonder kind of Christmas decorations they purchased.  Is it a wonder why there are so many September/October babies?

This is just a few...can you think of any others?

Nelson Mandela Passes @ 95

This week has been one where grief has underscored the movements.  After this past weekend (post coming soon), today we learned that Nelson Mandela, former President of South Africa has passed at 95 years old.  I always say that those who have lived beyond 70 have a wealth of knowledge and can have an impact on one person who could share their seasoned guidance.  Mandela's reach was on far more than just one; in fact, his very fingerprints have allowed generations to begin the much needed healing process after the disintegration of  Apartheid Movement in South Africa.  After spending 27 years in prison with a group of people wrongly accused of being terrorist, he emerged to become the first Black President of the country.  

Testament of his greatness is that in all the documentaries, specials, quotes and tags, the most impactful morsel of the entree of his life was a quote Mark Lamont Hill mentioned from his conversation with his granddaughters this past summer.  Hill asked how Mandela's spirits were after his illness and the lung virus; they responded, "strong....in fact, he was wondering what more he could do for the country".

There are so many things we can hope to  do in the hours, minutes and second of our lives.  Let Mandela's fight be an example of what could be done when we decide simply to make a difference in your life and that lives of those around us.

To Self Publish or Not to Self Publish?

This is a debate I often have with myself and other writers.  For someone who has an MFA, the goal is to get a book deal, to court publishers til they want to convince the world for you that your work is the next masterpiece, the must have library ornament and literary read of this generation.  But for me, I am a playwright and my passion is getting the production that can make a credible voice in this world.  The book, anthology, other publishing opportunities for plays come after the major production.

So why even the self-publishing conversation?  Well, I have a little blog called Peace and Praise.  It's something of a ministry to me, a talking piece to encourage and inspire.  It isn't always on time - after all, it is just a hobby I like to do.  As autumn set in and leaves were falling, so was the thought that perhaps I should compile and publish these inspirations.  The MFAer in me kicked in - thoughts of writing book proposals, formal editing, hiring a graphic designer, thinking of a plan for my book's future.  After all, I honestly, when it boils down to it, don't want to be responsible for my own bookings, distributions - not to mention the fact that I'd have to pay for the printing out of my own pocket. Goodness, that just seemed so daunting!  Was that really what I desired for my Peace and Praise?  Wasn't it just supposed to be an inspiration?  

This is when the thought came back to me: what is my desire for this book?  Am I hoping to be the next T. D. Jakes or Rick Warren?  For me, right now, in this space, not really.  I decided that 30 Days of Peace and Praise is just to be that, a little book of inspiration.  That is my ministry, my hope, my desire, my love.  If it moves, awesome.  If not, it'll then bless those persons who desired it to.  This way, I can focus on my pipe dreams to be a recognized playwright, pursuing more earnestly and strategically producing theaters. 

My decision, this very morning, was to self-publish.  For my situation, I believe it works.  Maybe later, after my plays have really taken off, I'll think of courting a larger publisher for my Peace and Praise audience, having massive sold out book tours and speaking reading/speaking in front of sold out audiences.  For now, I think I'll just stick to trying to get the blog posts out on time.  

The cover will look something like what I'm posting below.